Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
