I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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