If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
