Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
