where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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