so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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