Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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