my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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