I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
