You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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