yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
