It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
