and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
