Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
