What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
