it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
