Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
