I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
