That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
