so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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