i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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