You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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