my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
