Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
