Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
