mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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