Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
