Please, let me fuck your mom
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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