Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize