I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
