it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
