This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
