I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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