Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
