hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
