Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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