Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
