you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
