So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
