I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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