i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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