I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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