I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
