This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
