White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
