just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
