Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize