Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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