Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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