Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
