She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
