he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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