he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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