I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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