The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
