Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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