Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
