nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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