This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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