and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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