i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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