I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its about making memories worth repressing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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