The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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