Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize