Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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