Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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