i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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