If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So much rum. So many feels.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
