I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize