he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize