my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
