ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
are you so shy because you have an std?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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