I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
