Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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