I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
