Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
