there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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