I hate your face
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Porn is love you can see.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
