we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
